So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
