I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
FUCK WHALES
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
