I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
