Just fell off a train. Bad.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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