Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
