Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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