It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
