OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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