i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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