I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
