i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
