so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
