eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
