Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So many bounce houses so little time
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
