So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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