Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
