I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
