What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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