I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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