come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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