the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
