fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
