this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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