Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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