just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize