new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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