i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
