I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
