fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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