Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
