He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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