she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
