did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
