I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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