i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
