I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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