If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
