I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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