I cannot find my penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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