Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
