I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize