I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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