It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
