you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize