I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
