dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
