someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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