Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
