Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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