My liver just broke up with me...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drunk is not a location!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
