y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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