Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
