hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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