when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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