Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
