i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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