YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
