Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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