I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
