I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
