if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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