The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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