you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
