does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
