Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
