Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
