Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize