Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
