my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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