Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize