my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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