My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
