I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize