Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
