can we get nightvision for the apartment?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
