oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
