So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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