"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
