Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
