what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
