So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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