Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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