just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
