Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
