Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Im part way to drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
