last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
