I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
