walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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