a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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