Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
