so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
