You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
