So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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