We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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