omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
