She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
