I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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