i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
