i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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