Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize