he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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