i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
