My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
