Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
